Botox...it never gets easier...

Yesterday was a tough day for me. Finn has not been sleeping for the past 2 nights, and everyone in my house is completely exhausted.  I knew yesterday was going to be hard, but on top of the exhaustion it made it just that much worse.

Botox appointments are never easy. Wednesdays are Botox days at Children's Hospital and usually there are only like 1 or 2 people in the waiting room when Finn waits for his appointment. Yesterday it was crowded. Everyone was there waiting for their Botox injections. And these were kids who were about 10-12 years older than Finn, and very effected by CP. It hurt my heart. I almost started to cry right there in the waiting room. Luckily they took us back to our room as soon as I finished signing in. I was able to hold back the tears until we were alone in our room. I cried for many reasons...First, I was afraid that the kids I saw in the waiting room was a glimpse of Finn's future. A life bound to a wheelchair and not able to do much else. Second, I cried for Finn. How unfair this all was for him. He didn't ask for this. He deserves so much better. Like I in some way failed him...I couldn't even protect him when he was inside my womb. Third, going along with the second reason, I was questioning putting Finn through the Botox injections every 3 months. It's excruciating to watch. 8 shots he has to get in his body...in muscles that I am sure are already sore from the increased tone. And he can't even tell me if he wants to go through this. He has absolutely no say.

Between wiping away my tears I look over and glance at Finn. He is laying on the table smiling and kicking. I lean in closer to kiss him. He kisses me back and then touches my face. Almost like he is trying to wipe away my tears and tell me that he's ok. Then I came to my senses. Finn's CP is not as severe as the kids in the waiting room. Finn is extremely interactive, he talks back to you if you talk to him. He won't be bound to a wheel chair because he knows how to stand, and he is improving with walking every day.  He is amazing. He works hard every day and it shows. And while Finn has been dealt a hard situation...it could be SO much worse. He could be unresponsive and not be able to move any of his limbs. But he's not and he can.  And I am very grateful for that.

The shots were not any easier. I know deep down that this is what is best for him. He is able to do so much more when his muscles are loose. So I will continue to do the Botox shots every 3 months. Finn is so brave. He didn't really mind the first shot...it was the second one that really made him mad and the third one that made him cry. I was able to hold it together until shot 7. Finn was screaming and crying in pain and so was I. He recovers beautifully though. As soon as it was over I was able to hold him in my arms, he was fine. I, however, was still crying. I think the lack of sleep made me extra emotional, but Botox will never get easier to watch.

Summer of Finn

My little family has been so busy this summer. I haven't really had any time to update this because of all the fun we have been having. Finn has been keeping busy by having therapy 3 times a week and then spending his weekends at the lake. No body loves the water more than this guy

Finn turned 2 on June 1. I can't believe it's been 2 years since this sweet, lovable person has come into my life. He is my world. I am so proud of what he has accomplished in the past year, and it makes me excited to see what this year has in store for him. He has made some huge progress in just the last couple of months. The biggest one is taking 8 consecutive steps in his walker with his braces on. That is huge! He loves standing and walking. I am confident that he will be running around before I know it.

 

We took Finn to the Ohio State Fair a few weeks ago. He had a good time, but it is kind of disheartening that he can not ride any of the rides. I know he would love spinning around and feeling the wind in his hair, but he is just not there yet. Hopefully someday he will be able to experience carnival rides. But this summer he got to experience carnival food...which HE. LOVED.  Here is a video of Finn trying cotton candy for the first time. It's priceless.

 We found out that Finn was accepted into school. He will start in September and go Mon, Wed, and Fri 8:30-11:30. I am so excited for him and for me. He will finally get some social interaction with other kids his age. However, he will be the only kid in his classroom that will need adaptive equipment. I was kind of sad to hear that. I don't want Finn to ever feel different and this setting is kind of singling him out...I understand why they do it though. It is a lot of work for the teachers and aids. His classroom with be a mix of kids who have special needs and kids who are on track developmentally. He will also get OT, PT, and Speech when he is there. He will also continue with private therapy 3 times a week. So come September Finn and I will be busy busy busy.

And now I have something very special to share. My beautiful and sweet cousin, Amy is making a movie project about kids who have special needs. We were very honored to be a part of it. She is making this for her girl scout troop and it will be shown to other kids. She just sent me a teaser of the movie, and it looks so good! I got permission to share it here...

Speak Through the Silence